So, you may or may not have noticed my post last week, in which I announced our upcoming trip to Mozambique.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Wow. They’re planning this big trip. They have to raise a lot of money. And they’re getting ready to start their adoption? They’ve got to be nuts!”
If we were about to launch into our adoption process, I would agree with you. Even I, impatient to have a baby as I am, know that these two financial and emotional drains can’t take place at the same time. Sigh.
Usually, in the past, I’ve always been able to recognize my emotions. I took pride, almost, in being able to journal and pray and come out of that time with a pretty clear idea of how I was feeling and why. Over the last few months, however, I haven’t been able to recognize my emotions, despite journaling and prayer, which has left me feeling off-balance and confused.
The result? Tears. Anxiety. Tears. Difficulty sleeping. Oh, and tears. Did I mention tears?
I’m excited to go to Mozambique, I really am. But I’m also excited to adopt. I know that God has led us to this point, to the point of going on this trip (and you can read more about that decision at our Mozambique blog), but my heart—my impatient, selfish, human heart—is already in the adoption process.
We’ve tentatively decided between international and domestic adoption. We’ve tentatively decided on an adoption agency. But we just can’t get started yet.
It took me until about this past week to realize that the raging waves of emotions that I’d been tossed around in recently was a result of this conflict between desire to go to Mozambique and desire to adopt.
Since finally understanding myself, I’ve been able to have more productive conversations with God than tearful spluttering on my end. (I’ve been thankful for the reminder that when we don’t know how to pray the Spirit intercedes for us!) And I’ve also been able to start to find ways to ease what I’ve termed my Adoption Tension.
My first outlet for the adoption tension is through trying to come up with ways to raise or earn money for the fantastic yet financially terrifying event. I’m playing around with a few ideas, like the e-reader cover I just finished, and some other crafty things that someone somewhere may want to buy.
But for those of you who have adopted before, do you have good ideas for ways to pay for an adoption on a limited income?