Bookshelf: April-May

Despite packing up and moving to a new state and preparing for Teach For America, I've managed to do quite a bit of reading over the last two months. I don't expect to read too much from now until sometime in 2015, so I'm enjoying this current state of reading freedom.

See my reading selections for April and May below. Just a warning: I probably should have separated this into two posts. But I didn't. (Also, notice the star rating next to the title for a cursory look at my opinions! All ratings are out of five stars.)

April

The End of Worry - Will Vander Hart & Rob Waller - ***
Though a little simplistic, The End of Worry gave me a brief overview of the what worry is and ways to deal with it. The biggest thing that I took away from this book (and that I'm still practicing consciously) is to be present in the moment, especially if I'm feeling anxious or worried. This may seem overly simplistic, and for more acute cases of anxiety it probably is, but for me this works well.

The End of Worry is a fast read, so it's not a major commitment to pick up. I would recommend it to anyone who has wanted to give greater thought to the role of worry in their own lives, but I would also caution that this is in no way comprehensive. If you've already researched worry and anxiety disorders at all, none of this will be new.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - J.K. Rowling - *****
I've continued my re-read of the Harry Potter series. (I'm hoping to finish up the last book before my TFA training starts at the beginning of June.) Re-reading these as an adult has given me a greater appreciation for Rowling's writing style. Not only does she use words in amusing and effective ways, but her story line is, well, epic. I kept noticing how details in this book tied back in with characters and events in the first three books and I wonder to myself, Did she plan this from the beginning?

Between the Lines - Jodi Picoult & Samantha Van Leer - **
I haven't read anything else by Jodi Picoult, but her books have been recommended to me on multiple occasions by people whose opinions I trust wholeheartedly. But I did not care for this book. The idea and the story line are interesting, quite fun for a bibliophile like me, actually, but the effect is ruined by the poor development of the characters. Even main characters fell flat for me. I think that if the authors wanted to develop characters more fully and keep the story as is, the whole book would have needed to be a little longer. Because of all the good recommendations I've gotten for Jodi Picoult, I'm going to chalk this disappointing read up to the fact that Picoult was working with her teenage daughter to write this. For a teenage writer, this is fairly impressive. For a 26-year-old reader, it's disappointing.

And Then There Were None - Agatha Christie - ****
I would have give this book five stars if it had been a little... happier. I think just the frame of mind I was in when I read this didn't lend itself well to a murder mystery in which every single character dies. I wanted something happy-go-lucky. But as mysteries go, this was top-notch. This was my first Christie mystery, and I was terribly impressed. It's kind of like the board game Clue, only more complex.

The Bronte Sisters: The Brief Lives of Charlotte, Emily and Anne - Catherine Reef - *****
The only books I've read by either of the Bronte sisters are Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte and Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. I loved them. This brief biography of the Bronte sisters made me love them more. Through this book I gained a richer understanding of how and why the two novels above were written. I learned about the distinct personalities of each of the Bronte sisters and the eccentric personality of their brother, Branwell. I am inspired both to live in 19th century England and read the rest of the works by the Brontes.

Sorcery and Cecelia, or The Enchanted Chocolate Pot - Patricia C. Wrede & Caroline Stevermer - ****
Patricia C. Wrede is a long-standing favorite of mine. Her Enchanted Forest Chronicles charmed me as a junior high girl and still manage to put a smile on my face. I hadn't read this in quite a few years, and I honestly didn't love it as much this second (or maybe third?) time through. Wrede and Stevermer wrote this book as a series of letters. If I remember correctly, they chose the time period and a few other general rules for their letter-story, but then kept a strict rule that they couldn't discuss what they wanted to have happen in the plot. They wrote back and forth, and Sorcery and Cecelia emerged.


May

Little White Duck - Na Liu & Andres Vera Martinez - ****
This was the first of three graphic novels I read in May. This was a very fast read, about a child growing up in China during the 1970s. I learned a lot about Chinese history, legend, and culture in these few pages. I'm not generally a huge fan of graphic novels. It's just not the way I like to read. But I thought this was well-done.

American-Born Chinese - Gene Luen Yang - ****
This is a little longer and intended for a little older audience than Little White Duck. I liked how it dealt with issues of racism and stereotypes. The book alternates between three stories. Jin is a Chinese-American boy trying to navigate through high school despite the mild (and sometimes overt) stereotyping by classmates. Danny is a White American boy who has a cousin from China named Chin-Kee. Chin-Kee is an exaggeration of all of the worst stereotypes and misconceptions Americans have of Chinese culture. The Monkey King has mastered the arts of kung fu and the heavenly disciplines but the other gods do not accept him because he is a monkey. At times parts of each of these stories felt a little bizarre to me. But over all, this is a great and extremely interesting investigation into the challenges of growing up Chinese-American.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J.K. Rowling - *****
I just love Harry Potter. This was the book I remembered the least, and I simply loved rediscovering it. That's really all I have to say on Harry Potter.

Wonder - R.J. Palacio - *****
This book was fabulous. About a boy who is born with severe physical deformities because of a genetic mutation, this book deals with themes of bullying and self-confidence. Wonder is told from multiple viewpoints: Augie, the boy with the genetic mutation, Augie's sister, whose whole life has been defined and colored by having a little brother like Augie, and Augie's new friends at school. I'm pretty sure that if I end up teaching anywhere between 3rd and 6th grade, I'm going to read this book aloud to my class or have the class read it together. It deals with so many issues that would hit close to home for the kids I teach and cries out for kids to develop compassion and integrity.

The Last Unicorn - Peter S. Beagle - ****
This is a unique and beautiful story. What really sold it to me, though, was the quirkiness the author sprinkled on top of what was otherwise a pretty somber story. I first tried to read The Last Unicorn when I was about 13. The title, as well as the subject, of this story appealed to me. But re-reading it now has convinced me that this is not a fairy tale for kids. I appreciated things in the book this time, like learning to live with loss or regret, that I just found troubling as a 13-year-old. Lovely.

Maus 1: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History - Art Spiegelman - *****
I did not realize that Maus 1 and Maus 2 were part of the same story, and I am definitely going to have to pick up Maus 2 next.  As graphic novels go, this has such depth and breadth. Not only does it introduce the horrors of the Holocaust in a way that's easier for kids to understand and digest, but it also introduces the subject to readers who might be less likely to pick up a book on the Holocaust otherwise. This true story told in an unconventional way is one I will recommend to my students (once I have them) and kids (once I have them).

Currently reading:

Decision-Making and the Will of God - Garry Friesen & J. Robin Maxson
Yes, I'm still working on this one. I'm really close to the end though.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling 

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? - Beverly Daniel Tatum

February-March Reading (because I have oh-so-much time to read for pleasure right now)

The type of books wandering around the house (at least they seem to be wandering—I find them everywhere) has changed drastically since I took and passed my tests. I’m still reading through the articles and book chapters assigned to me by Teach For America. I’m enjoying those quite a bit, but they’re not easy or necessarily fun to read.

So, here’s the line-up from the past month and what I’m reading currently:

End-of-February & March Reading:

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – J.K. Rowling

5 stars. I haven’t read this series in years and it was delightful to start it up again. And it was a nice way for my brain to celebrate not studying anymore.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – J.K. Rowling

5 stars. Although I had forgotten how very creepy a giant poisonous snake wandering through a castle could sound. When I read this for the first time (when I was like 12), I had to stop part-way through and read some cozy James Herriot cat stories to get my mind off giant snakes.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – J.K. Rowling

5 stars. While I was reading this book, I began to try to pinpoint what it is about J.K. Rowling’s writing style that makes her books so entertaining. I think it’s a couple of things: the books are fast-paced, so I’m drawn to keep reading. The dialogues are well-done. They don’t sound stilted and each character has his or her own voice. And Rowling is just so darn creative in some of the places and things she comes up with to make the wizarding world intriguing and realistic. Kudos to her for her creativity.

Juvenile in Justice – Richard Ross

5 stars. This wasn’t required for Teach For America, but I read it with my future students in mind. This is exactly where I do not want my students to end up: in the U.S. juvenile justice system. I didn’t know much about juvenile prisons before reading this, but I shudder now to think of any child ending up there. I have so much more to say on this topic and this book in general, but that’s maybe for another post.

The Girl on Legare Street – Karen White

3.5 stars. ‘Entertaining’ is probably the best word to describe this book. I don’t think it has any value for my life besides that. This is the second in a series about a woman in her late 30s who has the metabolism of a small rodent and eats donuts all the time while still maintaining a killer figure. She can also see ghosts and tends to get wrapped up in ghost mysteries surrounding old homes in Charleston, South Caroline, with an extremely attractive (and single) local author named Jack. As I say, purely entertainment.

The Strangers on Montagu Street – Karen White

3.5 stars. Obviously I like being entertained enough that I continued with the series. The biggest critique I have of this series (and it’s really quite a significant flaw in my opinion) is that the author tends to overuse the cardinal trait she picks for each character and points that trait out over and over. Like Jacks’ deep and startlingly blue eyes. And Melanie’s cousin’s tendency to wear pink and look like a Barbie doll. Puh-leeeeze. But I still enjoyed the mystery that the author whipped up.

The Mind’s Eye – Oliver Sacks

4 stars. Notice! This is one of the books off of my 2013 reading goal list. So, even though I’m severely behind and not doing a great job of running to catch up on the list, I am making some headway. The author is a neurologist and this was a fascinating selection of case studies about people who dealt with unusual eye ailments. Or rather, brain ailments that affected their eyes in some way. I did think that Dr. Sacks tended to wax clinical a little bit too often. I found myself skipping over some of his hypotheses and explanations about why the brain did this or that. But I’ve read other books by him that I’ve enjoyed much more.

Currently Reading:

Decision-Making and the Will of God – Garry Freisen & Jay Robin Maxs

Rebecca – Daphne du Maurier

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – J.K. Rowling

A Chance to Make History – Wendy Kopps

Expect synopses and my opinions on these and a few others next month! Hopefully a few of the books read in the next month will be from my reading goal list for 2013… Has anyone else read anything good recently? Something I should add to my 2014 reading list, perhaps?

Reading Goals for 2013

I read a lot. It’s really my favorite hobby. I know I fit the stereotypical librarian mold, and I’m okay with that. When my hair was longer, I even put it up in a bun sometimes.

I’m still working on my goals for 2013 (which I was share with you sometime soon), but one of the goals I’ve decided on I’m going to share now. I decided that with as much as I read, I should really be more intentional about consuming a well-balanced diet of literature. The most fun genre for me is really young adult literature and what our library calls ‘junior’ literature. Junior literature is chapter books for kids ages 9-12. It’s stuff like Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder and Matilda by Roald Dahl and The Boxcar Children series and Harry Potter.

Anyway, so I like a lot of young adult and junior literature. I have so many books on my list that are adult literature or nonfiction, and I get to them so slowly. Plus, I’ve been trying to read all the books on our bookshelves at home for the past, oh, year and a half, and I’ve only been sort of disciplined about it.

I normally read about 50-75 books per year, so I set myself a list of 24. I figured that gave me plenty of wiggle room so I wouldn’t feel stifled by goals. Most of these are books that are on my shelves at home but a few are just books I’ve run across in the library.

Let me know if you’ve read any of the books listed and whether you’d recommend them!

Spiritual

Decision-making and the Will of God: A Biblical Alternative to the Traditional View - Gary Friesen & J. Robin Maxson

When God Weeps – Joni Eareckson Tada & Steven Estes

Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art – Madeleine L’Engle

Reconciliation Blues: A Black Evangelical’s Inside View of White Christianity – Edward Gilbreath

The Bible Jesus Read – Philip Yancey

Financial

½ Price Living: Secrets to Living Well on One Income - Ellie Kay

Dave Ramsey’s Complete Guide to Money – Dave Ramsey

Health

Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the All-American Meal - Eric Schlosser

Other Non-fiction

Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America - Barbara Ehrenreich

The Mind’s Eye - Oliver Sacks

Bird by Bird – Anne Lamott

Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year - Anne Lamott

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secrets of a Man's Soul - John Eldredge

The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk: Conforming Deadly Thought Patterns to the Word of God - Shelly Beach

Island of the Colorblind – Oliver Sacks

Biography

Surprised by Oxford - Carolyn Weber

Escape from Camp 14: One Man's Remarkable Odyssey from North Korea to Freedom in the West - Blaine Harden

Wait No More: One Family’s Amazing Adoption Journey - John Rosati & Kelly Rosati 

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou

Strength in What Remains – Tracey Kidder

Fiction

Left Neglected – Lisa Genova

Saint Maybe – Anne Tyler

The Sword in the Stone – T. H. White

Gone with the Wind – Margaret Mitchell

On My Bookshelf from Mozambique until Now

One of the changes I’ve decided to make since our time in Moz is to ignore my book blog, “Over a Steaming Mug of Tea,” for a while. I’m not quite ready to shut it down, but I’m close.

While I was in Mozambique, I realized that for the few months I had been operating my book review blog, I felt under constant pressure to read: to read new books and lots of them. Reading has always been one of my favorite hobbies, and I hadn’t expected that opening a book blog would turn one of my favorite hobbies into a chore, but that’s kind of what it did.

I would still like to share what I’m reading, however. I like to talk about books. But I’m kind of like a two-year-old in that I only like to do it when I don’t feel forced.

What I’ve Been Reading since Moz:

The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness by Timothy Keller

This is a delightful read. If you have an e-reader or are able and willing to read on your computer with a Kindle app, I would highly recommend clicking over to Amazon and purchasing this e-book right now. (It’s $0.99!) I was able to read this book in a couple sittings, and I highlighted a lot of it. Basically, Keller writes from the premise that in our society we are too concerned about our self-esteem. All we need to do is have a healthy self-esteem and life will be peachy. But, when we focus on our self-esteem so much, we’re really just putting it in the place of God. “And, of course, as we are often reminded, if you try to put anything in the middle of the place that was originally made for God, it is going to be too small. It is going to rattle around in there” (Location 134).

Keller writes that the apostle Paul had a different approach: he basked in the freedom of self-forgetfulness. I won’t go into any more detail here, but suffice it to say that Keller’s book really made an impact on how I view myself and on the importance I place on how I view myself. Read it! You’ll love it.

Digging to America by Anne Tyler

I hadn’t read anything by Anne Tyler before, but now I’m convinced that I need to read all her books. This is a story about immigration. And assimilation. And adoption. And having friends who are different from us. I won’t say this is a particularly fast-paced book. Two little girls are adopted from Korea by very different American families. They grow up, their parents become good friends. Their grandparents become good friends. The plot was fun, if not action-packed. But what really jarred me while reading this book was the vibrant and real way that Tyler writes about her characters. I got to know these characters, flaws and quirks and all, and I came to love the characters. This book impacted me in a unique way, in that I found myself quoting a character in conversations like I was quoting a friend, and only later realized I hadn’t been quoting a real person at all. That is the kind of impact that Tyler’s writing has. Mmm. Wonderful. 

The Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot by Elisabeth Elliot

In all honesty, this book took me quite a while to get through. As much as I was inspired by Jim Elliot and his single-minded devotion, I did have a little trouble wading through all his journal entries. However, I did find myself sitting and thinking when I was done reading, and then praying that I would have even half as much devotion and determination in my relationship with God that Jim Elliot had. Even though missionary biographies are not the most exciting to me from a literary standpoint, they sure give me perspective on the small life I lead.

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

I learned a ton about Japanese culture, particularly geisha culture, while reading this book. I found it all very fascinating, but the story was a little more risqué than I was expecting. Not sure if it makes my Top 100, but it was still very well written and very interesting. And I liked the book better than the movie. Surprise, surprise.

Showcasing Librarians

Husband and I had another chat about the book challenge last night. In order to assuage my guilt, Husband grudgingly agreed We’ve both agreed that because my job has changed and put me in charge of some adult programming at the library, and because I have my book blog up and running (if you haven’t checked it out yet, you can find it here!), it’s important for me to keep up with current literature. But I still want to continue my challenge. I do want to read all the books that captured my interest enough to make me part with my hard-earned money and purchase.

Husband helped me come up with a new guideline: For every one book I read off of my shelves at home, I can read four books from the library, friends, and so forth.

Now I’m hoping that the following vignettes of librarians will give you cause to chuckle and willingness to show this silly librarian some lenience.

Vignette 1

Husband and I are sitting on the couch in the evening, talking about our days.

Me: So… I may have checked out another book from the library… and I may have brought it home to finish it.

Husband: What? Why’d you check out another book? What about your challenge?

Me: (Shifting uncomfortably, not looking Husband in the eye.) I forgot The Fellowship of the Ring at home this morning. And I needed something to read during my lunch hour!

Husband: You couldn’t find anything else to do during your lunch hour besides read?

Me: Well, I was planning on finding something else to do, but then when I was walking past the Young Adult section, I saw this book that I had started looking at when we were at Barnes and Noble last week.

Husband: And then, what? Zombie librarian took over: “Reeeeead book!” (Wiggling fingers in front of face, eyes glazed over.)

Me: Well… It wasn’t like I consciously chose to pick up the book. I was walking past, and my hand shot out of its own volition. Then before I knew what was happening, I had somehow checked the book out to myself and I was sitting in the break room! I can kind of sympathize with kleptomaniacs. 

Vignette 2

I am walking back from the library in the dark with a fellow librarian, L. L is carrying a book, and I remember that she told me she had been reading while walking to the library earlier in the day.

Me: (Already laughing. It’s dark, after all.) So, L, are you going to read on our walk home now?

L: (Smiles.) I was thinking about it.

Me: I guess there are enough streetlights… You could pick up your book every time you’re under one.

L: (Holding up her cell phone, with the screen lit.) Yeah, and I’ve got my cell phone!

A Change of Pace

A change of pace is good. Without realizing it, my thinking often gets into a rut. A change of pace gives my mind a ladder to climb out of the rut for a little while.

For example, one day when I’m walking to work, I might start thinking about something unpleasant, like the mountain of student loans Husband and I are trying to pay off, as I glance at some nondescript tree by the sidewalk. Then the next day I see the same tree and I am reminded of how I thought about student loans. The next day the association is easier, and so forth.

However, if Husband and I decide to take a daytrip to a semi-nearby city to visit stores and eat in a restaurant, I might see a tree by the side of the highway as we drive along. But instead of being reminded about student loans, I’m thinking instead of how excited I am to eat at Olive Garden and look at e-readers in stores.

Husband and I did, in fact, take a trip to an Iowa city yesterday, and it was an excellent change of pace. I meant to take pictures, but I forgot the camera.

We ate at Olive Garden. Soup: chicken gnocchi, vegetarian minestrone, and too many garlicky breadsticks.

We went to Target and Barnes and Noble to look at e-readers. I think I want to get one. Professional development as a librarian, and all that. E-ink or color? Nook or Kindle? I’m really not sure yet, but it was fun to look.

And then Husband braved Old Navy like a champ, while I waded through the crowds around the clearance racks.

When we came home, we were invited to another couple’s house to sit around a bonfire and eat s’mores. (In March, I keep reminding myself.)

Lovely, pseudo-summer change of pace.

In the Spirit of Starting a Book Blog...

And at the risk of showing how truly addicted to books I am, I decided it was time to update my book challenge pictures. You can check back at what my book shelves looked like when I started the project here.

Spiritual Life/Theology Shelf:

Fiction Shelf:

General Nonfiction and Biography Shelf:

As you can probably tell, I have the hardest time sitting down to read theology. I think they are all very good books, and I am excited to read them, but they just take me much longer.

I've only given in and read library books on a couple of occasions so far. A few more months (thinking very optimistically) should fill those shelves in with all black, and I'll be back to reading library books without guilt!

Correction on New Blog Address

It was brought to my attention that I had not typed the link correctly for my new book blog.

You can find my blog here or follow the tab at the top of this blog page!

Launching a New Blog

For a while now an idea has been bouncing around in the back of my mind, and after a little bit of encouragement, the idea is solidifying into reality:

I’ve started a blog on books! I hope it will be a place to share books that I’m reading, both the books I read as part of my work as a children’s librarian and the books I read for fun. Reviewing (and of course reading) books is one of my very favorite pastimes. My hope is that through my blog I can encourage people to find and read quality books, both to their kids and on their own.

Please come join me at A Steaming Cup of Tea!

Book Challenge Update and Some Number Crunching

For those of you who weren’t reading my blog back in September, I challenged myself at that time to read through all of the books on my bookshelves at home before buying any new books or checking books out from the library to read. You can find the challenge I made to myself here.

I was going to post pictures of my bookshelves again today, but after updating the pictures, I can’t see any marked difference, and it look like I haven’t been doing much reading at all. I decided I just couldn’t post the pictures. I really have been reading and I really have  been following my challenge, at least to some extent, but the bookshelves just don’t show it.

How very disappointing.

In retrospect, I see a few reasons that my challenge is not working as well as I had anticipated:

1) I need to read some youth and young adult fiction for my job as a children’s librarian.

2) Changing circumstances for Husband and me have led to the need for purchasing and reading certain books on topics that our former at-home library was lacking.

3) Simple, embarrassing, occasional lack of willpower. (I work in a library. It’s just hard.)

I keep a spreadsheet on my computer where I list the books that I read. I have columns for the date (month and year) a book was read, the title, the author, and then columns for seven genres. The seven genres I have listed are: Christian living, biography, nonfiction, Christian fiction, general fiction, classics, and youth fiction. Obviously ‘general fiction’ and ‘nonfiction’ comprise a very wide array of books, but they work for me right now.

When I read a book, I record the month and year in which I finished the book, the title, the author, and then I mark ‘1’ in the column of the genre under which the book best fits. I’m displaying my true nerd-ness now, because I enjoy being able to crunch book numbers. I might want to see how many books I read this month compared to last month, how many books I read in a year, how many books I’ve been reading in each of the genres in recent months, and so forth.

I started this list two years ago. Just in case you are curious (and because, again, I like seeing the numbers), over the past two years I have read:

Christian living – 16

Biography – 11

Nonfiction – 14

Christian fiction – 9

General fiction – 14

Classics – 8

Youth fiction – 37

I don’t know if I should be embarrassed by those numbers or not.

Anyway, I thought that today I would just share with you the titles of books that I have read (or am reading) since the start of my self-imposed challenge in September:

• Chalice, Robin McKinley, youth fiction
• The Help, Kathryn Stockett, general fiction
• Closing the Achievement Gap: How to Reach Limited-Formal-Schooling and Long-Term English Learners, Yvonne Freeman & David E. Freeman, nonfiction
• This Present Darkness, Frank Peretti, Christian fiction
• The Unfinished Angel, Sharon Creech, youth fiction
• I Am the Messenger, Mark Zusak, youth fiction
• Twilight, Stephenie Meyer, youth fiction
• New Moon, Stephenie Meyer, youth fiction
• Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer, youth fiction
• Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer, youth fiction
• One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp, Christian living
• Mountains Beyond Mountains, Tracy Kidder, biography
• The View From Saturday, E.L. Konigsburg, youth fiction
• Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol, Tom Mula, general fiction
• A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens, classics
• Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen, classics
• Let Justice Roll Down, John Perkins, biography
• *Heaven, Randy Alcorn, Christian living
• *The Adoption Decision, Laura Christianson, nonfiction
• *Taking Charge of Your Fertility, Toni Weschler, MPH, nonfiction

*Books that I am currently reading. I am definitely not above reading multiple books at the same time.

That means:

Christian living – 2

Biography – 2

Nonfiction – 3

Christian fiction – 1

General fiction – 2

Classics – 2

Youth fiction – 8

Have you read any of the books on my list above? What books would you recommend to me (if I was allowed to check out books from the library)?

I Blew It

I was hugging Husband and looking up at his face, but he wasn’t looking back at me. His eyes were trained on my desk. His eyebrows raised incredulously. “What is that?”

“Oh,” I giggled embarrassedly. “A… book.”

I blew it. I blew it intentionally, even with a six-foot-two conscience raining meaningful glances on me.

You may have guessed what I did. I read a book that wasn’t mine. A friend did loan it to me, which is kind of within my rules, but I asked her for it. That’s definitely not within my rules. What’s worse, I stayed up really late reading it. And what’s worse still is that when I finished it, I promptly went to the library to check out the second book (on CD though, this time). And I’m fairly sure I’m going to finish the series (a total of four books) before I go back to my own collection.

I’m irritated with myself. And yet I still want to finish the series. I was thinking to myself this morning, why in the world did I have such a strong desire to read this book, right now, when I’m supposed to be reading through my own collection?

The answer that I came up with—and I’m pretty sure it’s close to the mark, if not dead on—is that I wanted to read something that didn’t matter.

I don’t buy books willy-nilly. Mostly I buy books that think will have some significance for my life, books that I will want to reference later. And for that reason, I have been reading only books that matter in the last two months.

This time, I wanted something that didn’t matter. I wanted an escape.

And because I’ve come to that conclusion and I’m pretty sure it’s accurate, I realize I have some soul-searching to do. The last month and a half have been pretty stressful. But if I feel an almost overwhelming desire to escape into a novel, then I have obviously not handled the challenges gracefully. Or rather, grace-filled-ly.

I read in Matthew 17:21 just a few days ago, “… I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Of course, Jesus isn’t giving his disciples a blank check to go spend on whatever they want, but he is saying to them, With Me, nothing I ask you to do will be impossible.

I have the Holy Spirit living inside me. Nothing God asks of me should feel impossible or drain my reserves. I shouldn’t even be using my reserves. I should be using God’s. It’s time for me to soul-search and try to relearn how to tap into God’s resources to do what He asks me to do without trying to do it myself.